The Admiral’s Son

Evan was only the Admiral’s son, but his naval base was always full of seamen.

He opened his eyes. Where was he? Lying on the floor staring at the ceiling. What was cold and running down his side. He ran his hand over his chest and down his stomach to where the cold was dripping.

There was day light behind the closed curtains. He wondered what the time it was?

His lips were chaffed, he touched them. He remembered all those sailors. Rough sailors, horny sailors, eager sailors, demanding sailors, so many sailors missing the touch and caress of home. Evan smiled.

His belly button pooled with white jizz, overflowing just a little over his flat stomach, with its line of hair up the middle to his chest, running down over the side of his torso in one line of clear fluid, dripping onto the carpet.

His stomach was wet and sticky. He couldn't help but smile again, he could feel his cheeks crease. He felt more than a little satisfied with himself.

10% of men are homos, thought Evan, he felt entitled to use that term as he was one, a homo. He liked the term, he liked it when rough types spat it as an insult. "You fucken homo!" They were the guys who usually pushed Evan's head down the hardest onto their heaving excitement. Evan laughed to himself at the thought. 

"My wife doesn't understand me," how many times had Evan heard that? 

35% of men engage in same sex activity. Unmitigated sluts, thought Evan.

I don't care about your girlfriend, your wife, or your four year old fucken daughter, thought Evan. I'm just about to jizz down the back of your throat, handsome.

Evan had tested out the Base and had, in fact, found the percentage to be some what true. 35%, increasing exponentially if you add drugs and liquor. Liquor, he thought, that was something his grandmother would have said.

Evan got to his feet. He found his shirt over the back of the couch, he seemed to remember it slipping off when that over enthusiastic petty officer had him bent over the furniture the way he did. 

Your husband fucked me up the arse raw, sweet heart. What do you think about that? He was good at it too.

Evan pulled his shirt on and his jeans. He found his jacket and slipped that on too. He found his shoes, but not his socks. He wondered what happened to his socks?

He walked around the room with a limp, he laughed to himself, he was lucky it was only a limp that he had. His undies stuck uncomfortably up the crack in his arse, he tugged at them. He winced, he was sore. He found his bag, almost as an after thought, and he put it over his head.

He farted. He wanted to let one rip but he stopped himself just in time and gently let it out, he didn't want to slime the inside of his undies with that Lieutenant's cum, he laughed to himself, the admiral and the rear admiral's loads - they had, of course, joke about Evan being the rear admiral - he had a way to get home with cream pie jocks.

He switched off the light and closed the door behind him. He tugged at his undies again. He limped off down the path. He laughed to himself, he was glad he hadn't ridden his bike, the way he was feeling he thought he might take the seat and half the frame if he sat on it.

The sun was shining. Where was he? Yarraville. The street seemed relatively empty. Evan felt pretty pleased with himself. He crossed the road and headed to the train station. He was glad he didn't drive, he has no idea what his blood would show up if he got stopped and tested. He felt okay though, but PT was really the most relaxing way to travel, post slutout. He chuckled to himself at the thought of that label.

He needed a drink, he had his PrEp with him, he wanted to take it. There was a milk bar, he headed over the street to it.
Just before he entered the building, he squeezed out a fart, you know as you do so it clears from your body by the time you are in a confined space with others. 

"Poooop." 

"Oh, fuck it," he mumbled.

How much cum just slid out of his arse Evan was unsure, but as he entered the shop the warm patch it had made in the arse of his jocks pretty quickly turned cold and wet. He felt like he was walking like a girl in too high heels as he entered the shop.

There were plastic strips over the door, very old school, Evan hadn't seen those for years, not since he was a kid. The shop was crammed with merchandise, and it smelled of home cooking. The floor was covered in lino squares, alternating in yellow and green.

The very disinterested chick behind the counter had washed out green hair and piercings through her nose and mouth. She leant against the back counter where the cash register was, picking at her black painted finger nails, gazing at Evan through her fringe.

"Bottled water?" Evan asked. 

"The fridge down the back," said the girl in monotone.

Evan got back to the counter and put the bottle on the counter.

"You approaching this day from the wrong end?" asked the girl.

"Wadda ya mean?" asked Evan.

"Well, I'm sorry buddy, but it is 8am and if you are really gonnna make me say it, you look like crap."

"I just need a drink," said Evan. "Oh, and I need to take my pills."

"I'll take that as a yes, then."

"What?"

"That you are up late, rather than getting up early."

"Do you always talk to your customers like this?"

"Only the..." She hesitated. A hint of a smile flashed across her face momentarily. "Cute ones."

Evan believed she was flirting with him. "So you don't get too many people in here..."

"We do alright."

"Does the washed out green fringe work for you?" Evan knew he was just being a bitch.

"Like... how?" she asked. Her words we faltering.

"With the boys?"

"Why? Does your "up all night" work for you?" she said.

"What?"

"With the boys?" she said. Evan felt kind of pointedly, she must have thought he was trying to hide it. He wasn't, of course, but he wondered what made her suspect.

"What makes you think I make it with boys?"

"Just the way you said it."

"Said what?"

"Boys," she said. "I straight guy would have said guys."

"But, I was talking about you."

"I know."

Evan put his phone on the counter. He liked this girl immediately  something about her, her "not give a shit" attitude, he thought. She was like him, he could see it in her.

"So the boys?"

"You tell me," she said.

"No, your boys, how do they like the green hair."

"I do alright."

He took his PrEp pills out of his bag. He squeezed two out of their silver foil and pushed them into his mouth.

"What are they?" she said. "Pick me ups? Nodos?"

"E's," said Evan.

"Since when do e's come in blister packs?" she said. "What are they really?"

"Men's multi..."

"Don't tell me, I don't care," she said. She shrugged. "But don't give me shit."

"They are my AIDS pills."

Her eyes widened just momentarily, but she was too cool to really let on, but Evan saw it. "You've got AIDS," she said.

"No," said Evan. "And this is why." He put the open bottle to his mouth and took a swig of the water.

"Where do you come from?" she said.

"Fitzroy."

The girl laughed. "No." She laughed again. "What planet are you from."

"Planet fun."

"What are you like telling somebody you don't know that you take AIDS drugs?"

Evan lent in closer. "It must have been the ice I smoked."

"Oh get out," she shrieked. "Who are you?"

"You're funny," said Evan. She was, she had a child-like sense of surprise about her. 

She dropped the volume of her voice. "What are drugs like?"

"Drugs? They are great," said Evan. "They are great if you take them to have fun, any other reason and they may be problematic."

"Don't they kill you?"

"Nah, that's just the christians and the politicians talking," said Evan. "People who don't know what they are talking about."

"So why are there so many drug addicts?"

"Because they didn't take drugs for fun."

"What did they take them for then?"

"Probably to take away the pain of their childhood," said Evan. "The pain of failure, the pain of not being loved, or not being given a shit about. That never works. Only happy people should take drugs."

"Happy people?" She sounded doubtful.

"Yeah, happy people. Absolutely," said Evan. "The new generations find out that drugs are fun and there is this big party going on every weekend, which the police and the pollies try to shut down."

"What are they like?"

"Fanbloodytastic!" said Evan. "They are fun. People haven't been taking them for thousands of years for no reason."

"I wanna try them."

"You should."

"With you."

Evan laughed. "With me?"

"Oh come on, why not?" she said. "Take me out of here. You are the most interesting thing to come in here all year... ever!"

"I don't know you. You might hate me. I'm selfish and a complete..."

"It's because I don't have a cock, isn't it?"

Evan opened his mouth to talk, thought about what she had said and he hesitated. She was probably right.

"See," she said. "I'm right, aren't I. All men..."

"No," said Evan. "You're... you're cute, I like you. What's your name?"

"Josie," said Josie. She picked up Evan's phone. 

"What are you doing?"

"Here's my number." She tapped on the glass screen of his phone. "Call me. Take me out."

Evan gazed at her, wondering how he got himself into this. Is this really what was meant to happen this morning.

"I've got no one to go out with," said Josie. "It is a very sad story..."

Evan picked up his phone. "I've got to go."

"You're not going to call me, are you?"

Evan backed away from the counter. "Sure, I'll call you."

Josie looked sad, as he left. She didn't believe him, she doubted he'd call. She was probably right, thought Evan. He stepped out into the day light and headed to the train station.

Kevin & Justin & Chook

"I don't want to go back to the call centre," said Kevin. He held the bong to his mouth and flicked the lighter. The cone glowed red and the water gurgled.

"Get a few more cones into ya," said Justin. "And you won’t even think about it."

“I’m not sure I have that many cones to smoke,” said Kevin.

“Ha, ha,” Justin laughed.

"No, we will have to head out for more supplies, see Chook," said Kevin. "You know... not an emergency, yet, but... I..." Kevin started to cough.

Justin slapped Kevin on the back. "Don’t cough, ya don’t get off," said Justin. "I learnt that from my dad, when he held the bong for me when I was like thirteen." Justin laughed nervously. “I coughed and coughed.”

"I sooooo don't want to go back to the call centre," Kevin said. He repacked the bong and handed it and the lighter to Justin

"Funny the things you remember about your dad." Justin flicked the lighter, the cone glowed bright red as the water gurgled and he sucked the entire cone in one breath. “He gave me my first smoke.”

"I had a lot of uncles," said Kevin. “Sometimes monthly. Steve was the best. Ivan was a mean fucker. Greek George lasted the longest.”

"My dad said I had to wait until I had hair down there," said Justin. "Before I could have my first bong. That was the, you know, the benchmark."

“You start weight training early?” asked Kevin.

“Huh?”

“To get a bench mark… down there, at 13?”

“Kev, Kev, Kev.”

Justin lit the bong and sucked on it hard.

“My mum was never that lucky with the fellas,” said Kevin. “She so wanted…”

Justin repacked the bong and handed it and the lighter back to Kevin.

"Kev, you don’t have to do anything, you don’t want to do," slurred Justin. Kevin lit the cone. Justin put his arm around Kevin's shoulders and he gave his buddy a squeeze. "We’re the masters of our own fucken destiny, mate."

Kevin sucked the cone in with one breath.

Kevin relaxed into his buddy’s embrace. “You are a good mate.” He blew clouds of smoke towards the ceiling.

Kevin repacked the bong and handed it to Justin.

“How about you?” asked Kevin. 

Justin sucked a bong 

“How about me what?” said Justin.

Justin repacked the bong ready to go.

“Your parents still together?” asked Kevin.

Justin handed it back to Kevin

“Yeah, sure,” said Justin. “They have sat in front of the TV for the last 30 years the two of them.”

“They should be on Gogglebox,” said Kevin.

Justin laughed. “They should have been on fucken Gogglebox, the two of them always bitchin’ about what’s on teli.”

Kevin sucked on the bong. The water gurgled. Kevin blew a bush fire worth of smoke into the air.

He offered the bong to Justin. Justin shook his head to say no. Kevin put it on the oblong coffee table in front of them on the brown couch.

The smoke gradually lifted.

The two of them sat back on the brown couch side by side.

“I reckon,” said Justin.

“What?”

“Nah, it’s gone,” said Justin.

They both laughed.

“I reckon I’ve had done a lousy job. With the destiny,” said Kevin.

“What?”

“What I’m the master of.” Kevin knocked on the wall above their heads. He looked at Justin. Kevin knocked again.

"What the fuck are you doing?" said Justin.

"Knockin’ on wood,” said Kevin.

"What are you doing?" blurted Justin. "What the fuck?"

"I thought that was whatcha do."

"You are not a bright fucker, are ya?" said Justin. 

“Oh, Jesus fuck Justin. That’s not fair.”

"That’s not wood."

“Wha…”

“The walls aren’t made from wood.”

“I just know, I’m not…”

“Nobody does any good with that.”

“Nobody?” said Kevin.

“Nah,” said Justin. “It’s too hard, that’s what that is.”

“Too fucken hard,” said Kevin. “Yep.”

“We’re all fuck ups,” said Justin. “It’s just that some of us are less fucked up than the others.”

“You’re less fucked up than me.”

“Nah, Kev. I just look like I am.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

“Nah, Kev, it’s not the same thing.”

“How’s your mum now?” asks Justin.

“My mum?”

“Kev, you are the only other person here.”

Kevin laughed heartily. “My mum’s okay. She’s got herself a dealer, North Fitzroy fish and chip shop. And she’s got Eric. As long as she stays off the booze…”

“She was a booze hound.”

“She spent nearly all of her life drunk,” said Kevin. “She never stopped when she had me and my sisters, even.”

“You’re supposed to stop, ay? When you’re preggers.”

“Yeah, sure, but I fooled her coming out at 5 ½ months.”

“5 ½ months? Really?”

“Yeah, booze really fucked her up.”

“Booze does that.”

“She fucken embarrassed me so much,” said Kevin. “You know, she didn’t like what my teacher was sayin’ at a parent teacher night, one year, so she punched her.”

“She punched you teacher, way to go Kevin’s mum.”

“Nah, Justin, it wasn’t way to go, it wasn’t way to go at all,” said Kevin. “She embarrassed me, she always embarrassed me. I was the kid whose mother punched his teacher.”

“Yeah, sure, okay.”

“I had to get away from her when I was 14, maybe? I just had to.”

“About the time my dad was giving me my first bong.”

“I vowed she would never embarrass me again, after she punched my teacher.”

“And did she?”

“I didn’t let her,” said Kevin. “I just didn’t let her.”

“Ah, sorry, Kev.”

“It’s nothin’ you have to be sorry for,” said Kevin. “But, I saw things a young boy should never see. Stuff that…”

“We’re all fucked up, Kev, just that some of us are less fucked up than others.”

“Anyway, as long as she doesn’t drink any more, she should be okay. I hope she doesn’t drink…”

“She’s your mum, Kev, after all. Of, course, you hope she’s okay.”

“She tried her best, I think,” said Kevin. “But it was the booze, it always the booze.”

“It fucks people up.”

“She would have chosen it over me,” said Kevin. “She did choose it over me.”

Gutted

"It is cold and wet," said David.

"That's because he is a dead swimmer," said Mike. "He was found at the bottom of the swimming pool, with the other gutted fish."

"Gutted fish?" asked David.

"He swam like one," said Mike. "And he died like one."

"Died like one?" asked David.

"Yes, on the filleting table with his friends," said Mike. "A sharp knife was run from his pubic bone to his throat."

"Oh," said David. He was trying not to picture that image.

"The fillets were removed," said Mike. "The shit shoot was pulled out. The head was left attached to the spine. That is real skill. What was left was thrown back into the water with the mates he swam with."

"I thought you said swimming pool?"

"Well, a huge pond really."

"Do we know who did it?"

"The Fisherman," said Mike. "It has all the hall marks..."

"The hallmarks?"

"We've seen this before."

"Oh, I see."

"Yes, the way he was cut open."

"I see."

"The entrails were flicked across the grass."

"Oh?"

"The head and the spine still attached."

"Jesus!"

"And... the medical precision of the removal of his fins. The roe milked. That sort of stuff."

"The roe?"

"Don't ask."

"Do you think it is a doctor?"

"I think it is some psychopath."

"So a lawyer then?"

"Most likely," said Mike. "You know what they are like."

"What they are like?"

"Gutting the world for their own gain."

"I hear they eat their young," said David.

"Those baby sharks, the law clerks who are worked to death," said Mike. "They either die by drowning at their work stations, being pushed aside by the next baby shark to claim their birth right, or they grow into great whites to fulfil their destiny and to take their place at the western front of the destruction of the world."

"And this guy?" David pointed to the pile of bodies in the bottom of the pool.

"He probably belonged to a community organisation," said Mike. "They hate that the most," said Mike. "Any thing that interferes with the money machine."

"Poor bastard."

"You can only swim up stream for so long."

"Excuse me sir?" There was a handsome plain clothes officer who had approached them with some thing in his hand.

"What is it Meeks?" asked Mike.

"We found a wallet, with some identification inside."

"Good work," said Mike. "What's his name?"

"Paul Salmon."

"Ah, good to know," said Mike.

"Poor bastard," said David.

"I know," said Mike. "You wouldn't be dead for quids, now would you..."

"Not like that."

"I guess we're done here," said Mike. "Wrap it up."

Constable Jasper picked up a huge sieve and headed over to the pond. Constable Meeks produced sheets of white butcher's paper and started laying them on the ground.

Sargent Lemon appeared. "Do you need me?"

There is Harmony in the Gypsy Village

Dark-haired Teega, the apple of his parent’s eye, and his big cream dog, Percy, walk off into the forest to go hunting rabbits, or that is what Teega has told his parents. It is not completely untrue, he does take his snares with him with the intention of setting some of them. At eighteen, he thinks he can please himself, pretty much. He is wearing animal fur pants and lambs wool jacket. If you were close enough to Teega, you'd see his blazing blue eyes and his thick black hair and the stubble on his chin.

Teega's father, Konka, and his mother, Wilma, sit in the morning sun on the balcony of their ornate caravan drinking hot, steaming coffee. Their youngest son, Machu, is sitting on the grass below the balcony on which they sit, reading. Animal furs hang from the balustrade, fox and rabbit and possum. There are white sheep hides and deep red cow hides.

The sun shines. The wind rustles in the trees.

Teega makes his way across the meadow to the banks of the river, with its long grass and its willows hanging down into the water on the other side. He stands on the bank looking up and down the river. Percy stands by his side, looking up and down the river with his young master. Teega looks one way down the river. He looks in the other direct in a cursory way, then he looks back down the river.

He seems transfixed, gazing long and hard along the meandering river bank. Suddenly, a smile comes across his face, he can feel it, it is involuntary. He can feel his cheeks crease with joy. Percy looks up, alert, looking in the same direction Teega is looking. In the distance, the long grass is parting and a blond haired boy appears out of the under growth, with a black dog. He approaches Teega, smiling. Teega's heart races, not that that is visible to anybody. Maybe Hugo knows.

"Hugo," Teega says.

"Teega," Hugo says. He smiles coyly at Teega, who likes the way Hugo smiles.They lay down in the long grass looking up at the bright blue sky. Percy and Bamba touch noses, they sniff arses and then lay down together in a pool of sun near their masters. Teega sneaks looks at Hugo. He sees Hugo's blues eyes looking back. They both stare towards the unblemished blue sky. Teega's hand moves through the long grass until it finds Hugo's hand. Their fingers intertwine. Teega's heart beats a little faster.


"Did you have any trouble getting away?"

"No," said Hugo. "I told you I wouldn't." He looks at Teega and smiles.

Hugo is from the next village, the next caravan train. He and Teega met when their two gypsy tribes met to play competitive ball in the clearing. They didn’t need to speak of their attraction, they both just knew it instinctively. The two boys have been sneaking to the river bank to meet up ever since.

"Have you been waiting long?"

"No."

Teega reaches out to touch Hugo's face. Hugo pulls his head away and then smiles. He reaches out to touch Teega's face, his finger tips brush against handsome Teega's skin. Teega closes his eyes, as Hugo's fingers drift down his jaw line and over his mouth, then over his chin and over Teega’s neck and chest. Teega moves his hand across the grass and onto Hugo's leg and then on to Hugo's stomach, where it rests. Hugo's hand slides over Teega's.

"I've missed you."

"I've missed you too."

The sun is warm like honey. The two boys lie in the sun holding hands, silently, just being together.

"Do you want to swim?" says Teega.

“If you do,” says Hugo.

Teega jumps up and pulls off his lamb’s wool shirt. He stands bare-chest in front of Hugo. Hugo is watching him. Teega rubs his hands over his chest and down over his ripped stomach. Hugo smiles.

“Come on,” says Teega.

Hugo raises himself up onto his elbows.

Teega undoes the waistband of his animal skin pants. The front of the pants fall open and Teega drops them to the ground. He stands naked in front of Hugo.

Hugo tilts his head to one side and smiles. Hugo’s eyes slowly scan Teega’s body. Teega can’t help but feel pleased with himself.

Teega holds out a hand to Hugo. Hugo takes Teega’s hand and is pulled up to his feet.

“Come on!” Teega takes a few large steps to the waters edge and dives into the river. The world is blotted out. The water is cold on his body. He pushes himself up through the surface of the water into the air. He flicks the water from his wet hair and wipes his hand over his face to clear his eyes.

Hugo is standing at the waters edge.

“Come on!” calls Teega.

Hugo pulls his shirt off. Teega gets a buzz from seeing Hugo’s naked chest, which is muscular and well defined. Hugo gazes at Teega.

“Come on!” calls Teega again.

Hugo undoes his pants and they fall to the ground. He stands on the edge of the river naked, Teega can’t help but admire him.

Hugo dives into the water with a “plaoof” sound's his body breaking the surface of the water.

Teega waits excitedly for Hugo to resurface. Suddenly he feels hands on his body and Hugo surfaces directly in front of him, centimetres away. Teega is suddenly looking at Hugo’s handsome face dripping water. Hugo’s blue eyes, water cascading over them, momentarily. Teega’s breath is taken away momentarily. The world stops and it is suddenly just he and Hugo in the world together. The two handsome boys smile at each other. Hugo moves his face towards Teega, Hugo’s arms rap around him and their smooth chests rub together, their lips touch, Teega closes his eyes and they are kissing. The moment of bliss is so exquisite that it hurts and Teega pushes away, diving side ways into the water. Hugo dives after him.

Hugo feels the cool water rush over his body as he spears through it. He suddenly feels Hugo’s body over his, Hugo’s smooth chest rub against his back. He slides out of Hugo’s grip and slides through the water splashing up through the surface, Hugo’s wet body is sliding over Teega’s wet skin. They roll around together in the river, laughing, panting, regaining their foothold in the river floor and standing up to face each other again. They were laughing and touching each other, holding each other in each other’s arms.

Percy barks from the bank. Bamba barks too. Hugo looks around instinctively. He looks back, laughing. Teega laughs too, then he puts his fingers to his lips and whistles. Percy jumps into the river and starts swimming towards them. Bamba runs up and down the bank, as Percy gets further and further away from him, then he hesitates, squats down on his haunches, gets up again runs up and down barking again, then he leaps into the river.

“Come on, I’ll race you to the other bank,” says Teega. He jumps sideways and swims hard to the other side. He can feel Hugo hot on his heals.

Teega pulls himself out onto the bank first gasping for breath. Hugo jumps out moments later and lays next to Teega breathing hard.

"I beat you..."

"Only just."

Moments later, Percy leaps onto the bank next to them and shakes, showering the two boys with water.

“Hey,” shouts Hugo.

“Percy,” exclaims Teega.

Bamba jumps out of the water moments later and shakes too.

“Hey,” yells Teega.

“Bam,” calls Hugo.

Teega rolls one way, Hugo rolls the other. Bamba and Percy shake again.

“Ahhh,” call the boys again.

Teega jumps to his feet. He grabs for Hugo’s hand, Hugo grabs Teega's hand and he pulles Hugo to his feet.

“Come on, lets run.”

Teega and Hugo run up the bank of the rivers, their bare arses glowing white in the morning sun, their muscular thighs propelling them forward. Percy and Bamba run after them, their tails high.

Teega dives into the river. “Fffffftttttt pfffffffff, the water slides passed his ears.

Hugo dives into the water too, Teega hears Hugo's body slide into the water behind him.

Teega slides through the water like a torpedo, sliding through the cool blue as far as he could, holding out to the last moment, then he kicks and his arms scoops through the water in front of him.

Teega brakes the surface of the water. He looked around and Hugo brakes the surface of the water just next to him. Percy and Bamba’s heads are coming towards them. Teega smiles at his handsome, blond mate, then starts swimming for the other bank. Hugo swims after him.

Teega climbs out of the river and hugs himself in the cool breeze, jumping from one foot to the other. Hugo climbs out of the river after him.

“Still too good for you,” says Teega triumphantly.

“One day I’m going to beat you.”

“One day…” Teega can’t stop himself from smiling. “I’ll let you.”

Blonde Percy comes running out of the river, with Black Bamba right behind him.

Teega pulls his animal skin pants on over his wets legs. Hugo pulls on his shirt. Teega pulls on his lamb’s wool jacket over his muscular chest. Hugo pulls on his pants. They both pull on their boots.

Teega picks up his backpack and his walking staff. “Come on!” He runs, but runs wanting Hugo to run after him. Hugo runs after him. Just before they reach the forest, Teega turns around puts his fingers to his mouth and whistles. “Per…cy!”

Both dogs bark and run after their masters.

Road Worker's Son

He was only a road worker's son, but he knew how to get his asphalt

Those little shorts, and his hi-viz vest

in the hot midday sun.

All for fun.

Back To The Call Centre

"I don't want to go back to the call centre," says Kevin.

"Nobody wants to go back to the call centre," says Justin. "You should have studied harder in school, Kev. You should have studied harder."

"Fuck off," says Kevin. "You know..."

"Oh, let's no go back over that," says Justin. "He touched you, we all know he touched you." Justin punches Kevin on the arm. "But we all leave school early for one reason, or another."

"I sooooo don't want to go back to the call centre."

"Come with me and soon you won't even be thinking about it."

"Call centre hell!"

"Ah, call centre hell," says Justin. "Let’s not think about it now."

“That bitch Treena, she thinks she is the fucken boss,” said Kevin.

“Kevo, she is the boss,” said Justin.

“Yeah, but, she doesn’t have to act like it.”

“I think she does,” said Justin. “To be the boss.”

“She shits me soooo much,” said Kevin.

“Kev, she’s the boss, so she should act like it.”

“She cut my shifts.”

“Did your call ratios go down?”

“Nah, I called her a bitch…”

“You called her a bitch?”

“Yeah, she made fun of something I didn’t understand, in front of the other girls, you know her,” Kevin made parenthesis in the air, 'special group', fucken bitch…”

“Sheena, Kaley, and Chloe.”

“Yeah, you know the ones,” said Kevin. “Ever since then… no shifts.”

“What did she make fun of you about?”

“My stats were out,” said Kevin. “And I always struggle with my stats, she knows that. And I couldn’t find the problem. She told all those girls I was slow, and she’d have to go and help me, again, and they all laughed.”

“Has she done that before?”

“Wha?”

“Made fun of you in front of her,” Justin made parenthesis in the air,” her group?”

“Yeah, sure, she does it all the time.”

“All the time?”

“Yes, and I hate it.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“About wha?”

“That she makes fun of you all the time?”

“Yes, always, her and her slags, they think it is really funny to make fun of me. The dumb kid. They call me the dumb kid, they don’t think I hear, but I do. It hurts, you know. Like they’re so fucken smart.”

“Could you record it on your phone.”

“Yeah, sure, I guess, but I don’t want to record it. Why do I wanna hear that? I don’t wanna hear it the first time, let alone play it back at any time…”

“If you record it, you could play it to HR…”

“Oh, why would HR care? Jus?”

“Because it is HR’s job to care, Kevo. They’d have to do something about it if you have it recorded.”

“Really? HR do something.”

“I could talk to Steph…”

“What, next time she is under you…”

“No, Kev, seriously. If Treena is making fun of. You, well, that’s just not right.”

“No one’s gonna do nothing, Jus, no one cares about me.”

“Just record it, Kev, just record it, and worry about what comes next, later.”

“Okay, if you reckon.”

“And Kevin?”

“What?”

“I care about you.”

Big Blond Boy

I was walking, doing my daily hourly routine, around my normal circuit, keeping fit or, at least, trying to. I set out along Gertrude Street, through the Carlton Gardens, where the joggers run the perimeter of the park, down Queensberry Street, along Swanston Street where I perve on all the Melbourne uni students, down Elgin Street, past the Carlton shoppers, down Johnston Street, past the Fitzroy cafes, along Smith Street and home. 

I was on the home stretch, heading down Smith Street to my place, my place was practically in sight. The streets were busy, the time was heading passed 5pm, rapidly, so peak hour was building. The day had set and the late afternoon was rolling in fast. The shortest day of the year was rapidly approaching.

Cars were heading in each direction, in Smith Street, street lights were being switched on. Pedestrians were having to zig zag their way through the traffic to get to where ever they wanted to go. 

I saw a big strapping blond guy jogging down the Greeves Street hill to Smith Street, dressed all in black, a singlet stretched across his muscular frame, thick thighs like springs, and baggy black shorts, with room in those things to accommodate anything anyone of us might be imagining as we gazed upon his beauty.

I pictured him in his undies, of course I did, the thin cotton of his jocks holding him in place, tight across the tops of his legs, and stretched across that sexy arse.

He was tall and well built and he had a handsome face. He was a big guy, athletic, sporty, taught hips, tight waist, muscular shoulders. He was, as the idiot Americans would say, a jock. He had great carves, flexing as he bounced from foot to foot on the side of the road.

He dashed out into the traffic, danced with the cars and bounced from foot to foot gracefully, it wasn’t just his feet that bounced, those baggy shorts being what they were. The traffic came to a halt in both directions, and then he was gone.

I watched him go, jogging off down Stanley Street and out of sight, perhaps with more ‘intent’ than I meant to.

“Tasty,” said a voice off behind me.

I turned to see a girl who resembled Sarah Gilbert standing on the footpath.

“You can close your mouth now,” she said.

“What?” I said.

“Close your mouth before the drool runs down your chin.”

“I’m not drooling.”

“Practically.”

“I am not.”

“I was,” she said. “That had some drooling potential.”

“That?”

“Oh yes, that was definitely a “that,” she said. “That would look good standing next to my bed. That would look good with less clothes on. That would look good in a towel in my bathroom in the morning.”

“That would look good humping my leg.”

“See, now you are getting the hang of it,” she said. “Fellow drooler.”

“I was just waiting to make sure he wasn’t run down by a car on Smith Street as he tried to cross,” I said. “I’m really good at CPR.”

“Yes, I bet you specialise in mouth to mouth.”

“I majored in it,” I said.

“At uni?” she asked.

“At uni,” I said.

“I can picture it, you as a horny first year.”

“I nearly didn’t make it to second year.”

“Too distracted?” she asked.

“Perpetually, dehydrated, with all the fluid I was losing.”

“I can see it,” she said. “You being a chronic drooler and all.”

“Just non-stop dribble, that first year.”

“I’m Veronica,” she said.

“Like out of Scooby Doo?” I said. “I’m Josh.”

“Yes, Scooby Doo,” she said. “I was rather hoping you were Shaggy.”

“To your Veronica?”

“The position is wide open,” she said.

“I would have thought you were more the Fred Jones type?”

“We could double date?

“What? Me and Shaggy…”

“And me and Fred.”

“We could go to the drive in…”

“What planet are you from?”

“You could snog Fred in the front seat…”

“What? While you defile Shaggy in the back seat.”

“All the time each of us secretly wanting to perve on the other one.”

“You humping Shaggy?”

“You humping Fred.”

“If the car is rocking…”

“Don’t cum knocking.”

“Oh, far too much dirty talk for this time of the day.”

“Makes life interesting,” I said. “In fact, it’s all we have. Dirty talk.”

“I’m going to have to go straight home and have a shower.”

“I’m already sweating,” I said.

“Josh, it has been an absolute pleasure.”

“Veronica, I feel the same.”

“I think we are destined to meet again.

“I hope so.”

She started to walk away. I turned to walk home.

“Scooby, Dooby do,” she said.

“Rye Rye,” I said.