Saturday 15 April 2017

Maggie's Night Spot





Serendipity was swinging around her pole slowly, it was a slow night at Maggie's Night Spot. None of the regulars were in, just a few losers who seemed to be staring down the misery in their pint glasses, more than they were staring at the girl's tits. 

Where were all the fun guys? The drunk guys? The guys with full wallets? The easy guys? A grab of your tits and they are happy guys.

Serendipity had a hand full of lard, so she just kept spinning around that big, greasy brass pole. 

The piano player, Johnny, was playing blues, as if he were on Serapax. Serendipity knew he drank two bottles of red, and smoked half a bag of weed before he came on. The jukebox of emo go slow.

Serendipity spun, and she spun, and she spun.

Daaaah, Dah, Dah, Daaah, Dah, dah, daaah. Dah.

Serendipity spun, and she spun, and she spun.

Daaaah, Dah, Dah, Daaah, Dah, dah, daaah. Dah.

"It is me, they are coming to see," sang Johnny. "To forget about life for a while."

Daaaah, Dah, Dah, Daaah, Dah, dah, daaah. Dah.

Daaaah, Dah, Dah, Daaah, Dah, dah, daaah. Dah.

Serendipity spun, and she spun, and she spun.

Daaaah, Dah, Dah, Daaah, Dah, dah, daaah. Dah.

"Man, what are you doin' here?" Johnny screamed.

“Oh, la la la, di da da, la la, di da da da dum.”

Daaaah, Dah, Dah, Daaah, Dah, dah, daaah. Dah.

Serendipity spun, and she spun, and she spun.

Daaaah, Dah, Dah, Daaah, Dah, dah, daaah. Dah.

Serendipity spun, and she spun, and she spun.

"Well, we're all in the mood for a melody."

Johnny’s fingers crash off onto a classical music interlude still with a stripper’s beat, naturally. Tits and arse. Snatch and feathers. "Da da-da da da-da da da-da da da..."

Serendipity spun, and she spun, and she spun.

"And you... " Johnny’s voice soared.

Johnny plays a crashing piano solo. High art. Avant-garde. Da da-da da, da da-da da, da da-da da da.

"Got us feeling alright," wails Johnny’s bluesy voice.

Daaaah, Dah, Dah, Daaah, Dah, dah, daaah. Dah.

Serendipity spun, and she spun, and she spun.

Daaaah, Dah, Dah, Daaah, Dah, dah, daaah. Dah.

Serendipity spun, and she spun, and she spun.

The guys weren't coming in. Serendipity was getting a pain in her shoulder for no money, for no cash. She spun and she spun and she spun.

Daaaah, Dah, Dah, Daaah, Dah, dah, daaah. Dah.

Serendipity spun, and she spun, and she spun.

“Oh, la la la, di da da, la la, di da da da dum,” sings Johnny.

Heels click across the concrete floor. “Step it up a bit, you two” says Maggie. “People will think somebody has died here soon, if you keep this up.”

“Not exactly a jumping night,” whines Serendipity.

“Well, do something about it,” says Maggie. “It’s not a fucken wake.”

 “What do you suggest?”

“Shake your arse, get ya fucken tits out, that’s what I fucken suggest,” says Maggie. “Before I get up there and show you how it’s really fucken done.”

Serendipity spits her gum. “That won’t be necessary,” Serendipity says, on all fours, twirking her arse slowly in the air. Serendipity gets to her feet, she steps up to her mic. "Fuck you,” she wails at Johnny, pointing in the air at him. She breathes in deep. “It is me,” she pulls her tits out. “They are coming to see," Serendipity wails. She slides her hand down her stomach and into her panties and clearly into her vagina. "I POP my cork for every man I see!"

Johnny’s harmonica soars as the piano pounds out Hey Big Spender.

Serendipity puts her mic in the mic stand, then she gyrates across the stage, wiggling he ample breasts.

Maggie whistles. “Show ‘em why you got them fucken implants, babe,” yells Maggie.

The boys instinctively make their way in from the bar to Serendipity’s stage, one by one. They start gathering at the front of the stage.

“That’s my girl,” yells Maggie. Two thumbs in the air as she walks away.

Serendipity kicks her leg high. She shakes her tits. She unwraps herself from her bra top, like she is doing the dance of the veils, and spins around back to the mic stand.

“Oh, la la la, di da da, la la, di da da da dum,” sings Serendipity. “Oh la la!”

Some of the boy’s wolf whistle. Some of the boys cheer her on.

“Come and get this, boys,” wails Serendipity. “Hey Big Spender!”

Hector is at the front of the stage. The young, Greek fish monger from up the market. Handsome Hector.

Serendipity grabs her mic and goes down on her knees in front of Hector, black g-string and black leather boots. Serendipity wraps both her arms around Hector’s head, she slides one of her nipples into his mouth.

“Say wouldn’t you like to know what’s going on in my mind.”

The punters go crazy. If Hector gets to suck tit, it means the rest of them have a shot of sucking her nipples too, in group think. Hector sucks her breast like a poddy calf.

Serendipity stands up. “The minute you walked into the joint.”

“Boom! Bang!” Johnny ponds the keys.

“I could see you were a maa, an, an an aan,” sang Serendipity.

Da da-da da, da da-da da, da da-da da da, Johnny plays

“A man of distinction.” Serendipity slides her g-string to her ankles.

Da da-da da, da da-da da, da da-da da da.

“I pop my cork for every man I see.”

Serendipity squats in front of Hector. She slides a finger into herself.

“Spend a little time with me,” Serendipity sings.

Serendipity takes Hector’s hand and puts it on her hand, the finger of which she is fingering herself.

“I pop my cork.”

Serendipity fingers herself open for all to see.

“I pop my cork.”

Hector’s finger disappears inside Serendipity.

“I pop my cork!”

The boys all start to cheer.

Serendipity stands.

“For evvvvery… Maaaaaaaan,” she wails. “I” She turns to face the men full frontal nude. She blows air kisses. “Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.” She shakes her tits from side to side, as she struts around the stage.

Lights up. Serendipity takes a small bow. Lights down. Serendipity heads for the back of the stage. The boys cheer.

The next stripper Coral, with her python, heads towards her.

“Well,” said Serendipity. “I think they are warmed up enough now.”

“Yeah, thanks a fucken lot for makin’ my shift that much fucken harder,” said Coral.

“If you’ve got it, you’ve got it.” said Serendipity. “What can I say?” She laughed 

“Well, next time you decided to wake up from your fucken drug nightmare and do some fucken work for a fucken change, instead of thinking about how you are gonna fuck Hector next,” said Coral. “I’d have bought my dog in if I’d known that.”

“Maggie is on the snarl, apparently we aren’t bringing in enough of the filthy.”

“Was that her down the front,” asks Coral. “That I saw tonight?

“Perhaps we should do a double act?”

“Have another nosefull and come back out,” said Coral. “I could ditch the snake if you do.”

“Nah, I got me a big, Greek stallion tonight.”

Johnny’s piano started to wail on stage.

Coral stepped up to the microphone.

“I was five and he was six.”


The stage door banged shut behind Serendipity. The music stopped.

She had told Hector to meet her out the front. She didn’t want to leave him standing around the building. Serendipity knew what slags the girls were. Any handsome thing with a pulse.

“Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about,” says Maggie. She’s got an armful of outfits she was clearly moving. “Good job.”

“You don’t mind Hector being out the front?”

“You can fuck him on stage, if you keep getting the punters through the doors,” says Maggie.

Serendipity clunked down the back-stage corridor to the dressing room in her stratospheric stilettos. She pushed the dressing room door open. The air was thick with cigarette smoke.

Magenta was just tucking her penis up her arse and applying a thick wad of gaffer tape to hold everything in place.

“I hope Coral put enough lube on that snake,” said Serendipity. “We don’t want a repeat of last week.”

Martinique was sitting back on her chair staring into her mirror, surrounded by exposed light bulbs, feet in strappy shoes up on her dressing table, drawing hard on her smoke, the ash from which was hanging off the end of the cigarette between her turquoise talons. Bustier, but nothing else. “She bitched for fucken days,” said Martinique.

Sibeon was crying, and Aurora was trying to comfort her.

Cashmere was shooting up in the corner. 

“That stuff will fucken kill you,” said Serendipity.

“I need something to get me through this nightmare.”

“Your choices, welcome to them,” spat Martinique.

“Seriously, Cashmere,” said Magenta. The gaffer tape was all Magenta was wearing. She had a powder brush in one hand as she puffed on a splif with the other.

“Sibeon’s got man trouble,” says Aurora. “What else makes a girl cry around here?”

“Have you done your make up?” asked Serendipity. She was now standing at her makeup table wiping at her face with a sponge.

“I’ve been touching it up since last month,” said Magenta in her baritone voice. “I call it scat face.”

“You are succeeding,” said Serendipity. She looks over at Cashmere. “What’s wrong with her?”

“I think the goblin bit off her clit,” said Martinique.

“What’s his number?” said Magenta. “That could save me a fortune.”

“Can someone look after Sibeon?” said Aurora. “I’ve got to get into my lights outfit, I’m on after Coral.”

“Not me,” said Serendipity. “I’ve got a date.”

“Hector?”

“Hector.”

“You lucky bitch, he’s got girth,” said Aurora.

“Just what mama ordered.” Serendipity twitched her nose at the thought. She dropped the humour from her voice. “And he’s nice, too. He wants to…”

“Oh Jesus, don’t even fucken say it,” said Martinique. “Dear God!”

“Good for you,” said Magenta.

“Come here, dohl,” said Cashmere ricocheting off the furniture in Sibeon’s direction. “We’ll make plans to kill the son of a bitch, then claim diminished respo… respo… “

Magenta moved towards Sibeon in rubber tits and that strip of grey gaffer tape. “No, hon, not you.” Magenta grabbed Cashmere by the arm and pushed back in the direction of her makeup table. “Sibeon, darl, get some clothes on and you can come out drinking with me. You can unload about him with me, but we won’t be planning any one’s murder tonight.”

“It’s what the fucker needs,” said Cashmere from her chair. “We could tie him up and cut his cock off and let him bleed out. That would fucken learn him.”

“I’m at a loose end…” said Martinique.

“I’ve heard the guys describe you just that way,” said Cashmere.

“Says the human bowling ball,” said Martinique. “I’ll come out drinking, too.” 

“Sure,” said Magenta. “I was planning to get shit faced and fall down, but if we are baby sitting, we may have to curb it a bit.”

“You don’t have to baby sit me,” said Sibeon.

“Of course not,” said Magenta, in baby speak.

Aurora headed to the stage. Cherish and Elektra arrived at the same time, as Aurora left. “I’m doing the Virgin Mary, tonight,” said Cherish.

“I’m doing Madeline McCann reimagined,” said Elektra. They both laugh. “Good evening… ladies,” said Elektra to the dressing room.

“It’s not a jumpin’ night, you’ll need all your tricks,” said Serendipity. “Good night ladies.” 


Hector was waiting out the front.

“You been waiting long,” Serendipity said to Hector.

“No,” said Hector. He laughed. “You know how long I have been waiting.”

“I guess,” said Serendipity. “Where are you taking me?”

“Where would you like to go?” said Hector.

“I’d really like something to eat?”

“Okay.” Hector put his arm out for Serendipity to loop her arm through, and she did. “Food it is.”

They walked towards Hector's Mustang, arm in arm.

“Did you sleep with Aurora?”

"What?"

"Did you?"

“That was before I met you,” said Hector. “You can’t be cross about that?”

“I guess, as long as you haven’t slept with Magenta.”

“I don’t think I know which one is Magenta.”

Serendipity laughed. “It doesn’t matter.”


Hector and Serendipity went to Charcoal Joes, the twenty four hour Greek restaurant in Lonsdale Street.

They sat in the large window and the world passed by outside.

“Serendipity…”

“Call me Amy.”

“Amy… Amy, I like you…”

“I like you too.” Amy liked Hector’s handsome face. She liked his dimples. But mostly she liked the feeling she got when she was with him.

“I really like you.” Hector smiled.

“Like Aurora?”

“That was just sex,” said Hector. “You must know that?”

“Why would I know that?” said Amy. “Because I am a stripper?”

“No, because you are an adult and we all have a past.”

“Yes, well,” said Amy. “I know I do.”

Hector tilted his head in the cutest way, just like Amy’s pug dog. “I want to be with you,” said Hector.

“You know the right things to say.”

“I don’t want to stop you from doing anything,” said Hector. “My mum was unhappy because my father stopped her from doing the things she liked.”

“Do you think I like stripping?”

“I don’t know, Amy, I don’t know,” said Hector. “But it is up to you.”

“It is up to me?”

“Do you like it?”

“I like the money,” said Amy.

“What about the men looking at you?”

“They can’t hurt me with their looks,” said Amy. “They can’t hurt me.”

“I just want you to be happy.”

“You make me happy.”

“You know all the right things to say,” said Hector.

“I just don’t like what people think of me?”

“What do you tell people you do?”

“I tell them I am a dancer,” said Amy. “Generally, people don’t ask too many questions.”

Hector reached out and took Amy’s hand in his. Amy felt a thrill down her spine. She couldn’t ever remember a man taking her hand so tenderly, ever.

“Amy, I want to marry you?”

“Marry me? Are you sure, Hector?”

“I’m sure,” said Hector. “I want to have children with you.”

“Children, Hector? I never thought…”

“Why would you never think?”

“What would I tell them?”

“You’d tell them you were a dancer.”

“Oh Hector.”


They drank too much at dinner. Amy was tipsy and giggly balancing on her stratospheric stilettos when they got back to Hector's.

The third floor of Hector’s terrace house had a balcony, the French doors open to the stars.

Some men are truly gifts from the gods, thought Amy, as her head hung off the side of the bed and she saw the room upside down with a carpet of stars leading out to the rest of the world. 

Suddenly her life made sense, upside down. 

Hector snored. He is the one, she thought girlishly to herself. A girl can dream.


Amy was late to the club the next night. She crashed through the door with barely enough time to get ready to go on, but she clearly wasn’t upset by that, in fact she felt happier than she could ever remember feeling.

“What are you so happy about?” said Aurora.

“I’m going to be a decent, upright, respectable, married lady,” said Serendipity.

“You’re a funny girl,” said Magenta.


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